If you’re hitting brick walls with your kids —finding that you are having a difficult time connecting with them, and they just don’t seem to LIKE you — maybe you need to know about the Twinkie Approach!
Curious?
Are you thinking that this gal has finally headed right off the deep end? I mean why would anyone in their right mind give Twinkies to a difficult kid? Solve your attitude problem with junk food? Give me a break, right?
Just stick with me for a minute, and maybe you will change your mind. The Twinkie Effect is the results of applying the soon-to-be-famous Twinkie Approach in your home. You heard it first here.
I have added some affiliate links for your convenience. If you choose to click on the highlighted links, then make a purchase, I may make a small commission, but you’re price is exactly the same as it would be by purchasing without the link. This helps to fund this website, so I appreciate any help out there!
Bringing the Twinkie Effect Close to Home
Sometimes in our home, we hit that brick wall. It’s really bad when it’s with every kid in the house, but it happens, and more often than I’d like to admit. I’m not talking about school only, but it shows up there too. It’s when the people of the home feel like they’re not appreciated, and resulting sad/sour/hurt/angry/(you fill in the blank) attitudes follow.
So we all know that something has to change, but it’s a real challenge to do it, even if we know that we should. It’s that “stuck in my rut” mentality of always responding in the same way.
Enter Twinkie.
Let’s back up a few years. When my husband and I were first married, we had two cats: Buster and Bubbles. They were our kids back then, and we had a lot of fun with those two!
Buster (orange and white) was the rascal, and Bubbles (pure white) was the old lady. They got along quite well, except when old Buster kicked into his play mode! But, they were a good pair, nonetheless, and our little animal world felt complete.
BUBBLES’ LOOK-ALIKE
BUSTER THE WELL-LOVED CAT and Andrew when he was little
Sweet Little Stray
Then a church member brought us Twinkie, a little stray they had felt sorry for and rescued, who needed a home.
Could wepossiblygive this little black kitty a home? Why not, we thought. So we took her in, and within a week we discovered the little secret that the church member hadn’tnoticed. Little kitty Twinkie was a teenage pregnancy, and we were the happy grandparents-to-be! What joy! “What a bargain,” we groaned.
Twinkie the Mommy
So poor little Twinkie kind of had a bumpy start in our home. It wasn’t her fault, but she was a very young cat, and not exactly equipped to be a mama. So, when her little tribe arrived, she spent more time playing with them like a sibling than mothering them. She always retained a bit of the wild cat mannerisms.
Twinkie–What a Boring Cat!
Once her kittens were homed out, Twinkie stayed with us, but always rather like a dark shadow on the sidelines, and not as much like a family member. Maybe it was because of her wildness, or maybe she just had a boring personality — we didn’t know. She just didn’t click with us like the other cats. We fed her and cared for her, but never really bonded with her much, and we never gave it much thought.
The Twinkie Experiment
Then one day when my husband and I were talking, he said to me, “I think I will do an experiment on Twinkie. Every time I pass her by, I will pet her and say something nice to her, and I just want to see what will happen.”
I didn’t give that much thought. Twinkie was just there, and I figured that was how she’d always be — that quiet presence.
Changes…
It was probably several months later, maybe more, that we realized that the experiment was having an effect after all.
Self-Care for Homeschool Moms. Are You Taking Care of Everyone butYOU?
As we begin a new homeschool chapter, I have been chewing on what my first educational blog post of the year should focus on. I have many ideas for the future, but the one thing that keeps coming back to me is this —how is mom holding up?
Self-Care for Homeschool Moms, No Matter Your Season
Some of us are “seasoned” homeschoolers, whatever that means. Some of us are just starting out. I think I am in the “half-baked” stage — not done yet, and so I still need some more seasoning. So much to learn, and at times I feel like I need to unlearn some things so that I can have more flavor in our school. Life would be pretty boring if every family school consisted of the same ingredients. It’s something to chew on.
But, as we begin a new year, I am reminded of mom. Most likely, you are the principal teacher in your homeschool. I realize there are exceptions, and I’m not trying to exclude anyone; if this applies to you as dad, grandma, or whomever, then take it to heart. I know it applies to moms.
Self-Care Amidst Your Busy Schedule
As teaching moms, we get excited about new projects, new curriculum, methods of teaching, craft supplies, fun field trips, and the list goes on and on, doesn’t it? We drive our troops to music lessons, practices, clubs, counseling sessions, play dates, Bible studies, birthday parties, service opportunities, jobs, and Grandma’s, not to mention the hours at the table, in the garden, reading on the sofa, or in the woods taking nature walks. And then, there’s often a husband who has needs and expectations too!
But, what about you, homeschooling mom? How do you meet your needs? How do you avoid burning the midnight oil to get everything done? How do you avoid burning out because you’re so busy doing good for everyone else that you forget about your own needs?
Close to Home: Self-Care for Homeschool Moms like Me!
As I sit here on a Friday afternoon, reminding myself to guzzle more water to battle a nagging UTI, I just want to encourage you — not because I have it all together as a home educator, but because I see a genuine need in all mothers who tend to take on too much.My words to you are these: It is not selfish to take care of your own physical needs.
Your family needs you, and you are very much aware of that. But, they need you healthy. They need you cheerful, and that’s very difficult to pull off when you’ve stayed up until midnight again. How do I know this? Well, because I’m living it!
We are instructed to teach our children cause-effect relationships. But, we have to be real with ourselves and realize that bedtime is not just for babies; our bodies need water; and a little exercise and fresh air will do wonders for our attitudes as moms, just as much as for our children.
Home educating is no joke!
It’s not a tea party, and despite what some will think, we do much more than just sit around and do crafts with our children! We have real stresses. We worry about our children’s attitudes and characters — a LOT! We wonder about their futures, and wonder if we are doing it all right, because we don’t have a second chance. Often as we take on all of those unknowns, we find ourselves running around to grab at any perceived learning opportunity, maybe even to the detriment of our peace of mind.
I can only share with you what I am learning myself on this enjoyable, yet, exhausting road. These tips are not in any particular order, except for the first one.
We as home educators absolutely need our time with God! I find that I can get so edgy and driven with my children if I don’t have the softening influence of the Holy Spirit for myself! And, praying for my family particularly helps me to look at them differently. •Sometimes I wake up late, in a rush, and find that mid-morning, or sooner, I have to go close myself in my closet with the Lord to regain my perspective,and to just cry out to Him for help.Satan will capitalize on any chink in our armor, so putting on the full armoris so important! This is truly the best gift we can give to our children and husbands — a heart that has met with Jesus and surrendered, so that when we deal with them, we will treat them with grace.
Sleep. I can’t say how much youneed, but I know when I need more of it! That’s when I get irritable about little things, feel like weeping over trifles, and start to feel fuzzy in my head the next day. I have gone through times when literally every time I sit down to read with my kiddos, I knock out. A little more sleep is needed!
This kind of blew me away,and it came at a time when I’d been praying about the direction for my blog again. As I’ve prayed for balance in blogging, writing, homestead chores, homeschool, off-gridding, parenting, being a good wife, and the myriad other responsibilities of my life, I’ve felt very overwhelmed. I took a weekend away (more on that later), and focused on prayer, relaxing, and good conversation. Oh, and writing.
Friday Friendship Feature—A time to share an Inspiring Read
Sometimes I get to blog hop. I enjoy meeting new bloggers!
This week I stumbled across a wonderful post by Shannon, at From the Hearth.
The reason I enjoyed this read so much was because I see the truth of her words in our own family. I can say that our boys have been blessed with amazing grandparents. Our boys consider them to be among their very best friends. And that makes me very happy.
I really think you will enjoy this article, some of which I have included here. You’ll have to catch the rest over at From the Hearth, and while you’re there, you can see what else they’re up to!
Friday Friendship Feature #2
5 Things I’ve Learned While Watching My Parents Interact with My Kids.
We recently had the pleasure of having my parents visit for a little over a week. My kids adore their Grandma and Mebop (their name for grandpa), so it’s always special when we can all be together.
As I watched my parents interact with my kids during this last visit, I realized that there are a number of life lessons that I can learn from their interactions. Here are 5 of these lessons.
LIFE LESSONS FROM HOW GRANDPARENTS INTERACT WITH GRANDKIDS
It’s often the little things in life that bring the most joy.
The Freebie for today is a set ofFree Printable Prayer cards that you can print off and put on rings or in a box. These make a very nice set, especially when printed onto card stock or laminated. We made ours onto 24 lb paper, then laminated 5 mil laminating sheets. you could just as easily print onto card stock and laminate with 3 mil, or slip the laminating altogether. Our printer would not take card stock without jamming up, so we went with what worked!
Why Prayer Cards?
Sometimes we get bogged down in our prayer time. At other times, we would like to add more Bible to our prayers, and Pray the Word. These free printable prayer cards are just nice little tools to change up our typical prayer lines, so that we are more in tune with God’s will. One side has a Bible promise, and the reverse has a corresponding suggestion for how to pray using that promise. I find them very helpful.
We were making a LOT of these cards last year! We had quite a little operation going for half the year.Read about it here.It was aGREAT home business for the kids, and with the money raised, two and a half girls were rescued out of trafficking in India. We had received special permission from Melody to print and sell her cards, which she offers free for anyone to print themselves.
You can see that the color options are endless.Pastel, bright, all blues–you can design your set just how you’d like it!
Free Printable Prayer Cards for Personal Encouragement
Melody, who designed the cards, has a very active prayer ministry, to help and encourage others in their prayer lives. Below, I’ve linked a video of her discussing her prayer cards and how she intends for them to be used.
Want to learn to speak the Language of Encouragement?
Encouraging Wordsis one of the Five Love Languages.
I spoke about the first two of the Five Love Languages in my posts aboutTime Together, andHugs and Tickles(Loving Touch). In my next few posts on this topic, I will talk about Encouraging Words, or what can be calledThe Language of Encouragement.
I did not come up with this term. But I know a good thing when I hear it, and I want to share a helpful resource for you! All parents, homeschoolers, teachers, grandparents,friends, employers, employees, andpretty much anyonecan benefit from learning this language.
Listen to The Language of Encouragement talk (it’s free)
I want to refer you to a talk that I had recommended to me several years ago. This talk has impacted me, inspired me, and little by bit, is changing me. But I will be honest. The Language of Encouragement does not come naturally to me at all. For this reason, I have listened to this talk many times over the last several years, because I lose my way over and over, and fall back into my old rut of non-encouraging words!
The talk, entitledThe Language of Encouragement, authored by Maria Nebblett,can be downloadedhereon their family’s ministry website. You may also find more encouraging talks at that site. I strongly encourage you to listen to it! Just scroll down to the category Family, and it’s the last talk. You will certainly be blessed!
If you prefer video, the talk can be seenhere on Vimeo.Sometimes I like to watch a person talk, but more often, I like to download the talk to listen to it while I walk in the morning.
Please listen to the Introduction
For this post, please listen to the Introduction of The Language of Encouragement, or about the first 15 minutes of the audio file. This will give you a good overview of the talk, and plenty of food for thought.
Free Printable, The Language of Encouragement
Go ahead and print the free printable (below) if you like! This will give you a visual aid as you listen. The Printable is also a nice poster to hang up in a prominent place as a reminder of the principles you want to put into practice! You may color it if you like, and laminate it to help it to last longer, or just leave it plain.
Printable is available on my self-hosted site (for free).
Starting out in blogging world, conquering the obstacles.
Learning about blogging through my blunders
I’ve been dabbling into blogging now for about five weeks. If you don’t count that week where I completely botched everything up and had to scrap the whole thing. More about that here. So…blogging for five weeks.
I set up a self-hosted blog to mirror this one. However, I didn’t know what I was doing, so have been learning about that world. SEO, keywords, and headlines. It’s different on the other side, away from WordPress.com.
I am learning some things.
Blogging is hard work. I know that is obvious. It takes me way more time than I think it should take, because homeschool, family, and life get take time, and I don’t get much quiet time.
It’s lonely in the self-hosted world. Not to complain, but there’s more people reading blogs over at WordPress.com, so you don’t feel so invisible. Maybe I’ll come back for awhile.
I like blogging I enjoy writing and turning happenings into a story. I enjoy writing about my passions.
Blogging is a faith step. At least that’s how it is right now. I walk by faith, not by sight. I believe that if I am consistent, I will be “seen” more. 🙂
Blogging is a mindset. Once you get going, you start to have all kinds of blogging ideas popping into your head! I sure do! 😃
Testing the waters of blogging
So…I sort of feel like I am still testing the waters in the blogging world. I will stick with it, and blog as consistently as life allows.
I bit off more than I can chew perhaps, since I have this homeschool blog, and a homesteading blog (both self-hosted). At this point in the game, if I had to do it again, I would stay at WordPress.com with my blog and keep going.
Since I paid for my web hosting and domain, I feel like I need to give it my best shot. I tend to do things the hard way, and this is no exception. don’t get me wrong–I actually enjoy blogging on my self-hosted side as well, but currently I feel invisible.
What about you?
I hope that me sharing will help someone who is in the valley of decision with their blogging journey. I kept hearing that self hosting is the way to go if you are serious about blogging. I drank that Koolaid. But I see many successful, happy bloggers who are using the WordPress.com site.
I would love it if anyone would remember their early days, and chime in and share anything that would help other bloggers! There are good writers who are just starting out, and your encouragement could make a big difference to them!
This post came out just at the right time! I’m down sick with a cold and sinus infection, my head is throbbing, and that makes everything run a bit more roughly!
I wrote this post 2 weeks ago on another day like this. Truthfully, today is not bad day, I just don’t feel well. But there are those days…
See if you can relate!
How do you know if you need a reset for your homeschool day?
Have you ever wished that you could just jump back into bed, and wake up again, so that you could begin your homeschool day all over again? I have certainly been there! In fact, sometimes, I’d just like to crawl back under my covers andstay there! But, with the life we lead as homeschooling parents, neither choice is a real option. After all, someone has to make breakfast, get the kids going, and keep the schoolwork moving along. At our house, thatsomeoneis usuallyYours Truly! And if you’re reading this, then thatsomeoneis probablyYOU! Right?!?
Weall have the days when everything seems to go wrong right from the start!
I wrote this post for another homeschool site that I blog on. I ran across it again today and decided to share it here, as a record of my journey, and of God’s faithfulness through trials and times that appear dark. The following was my experience with homeschooling at the end of 2017.
As a blog writer for this group, and for my personal blog, I have never before experienced the writer’s block that I am currently going through.
I am a week late on my deadline, and not for unconcern. I do not take my commitment to this group lightly. Through the past month, I have frequently had ideas for blog articles buzzing around in my mind, but when the time came for me to harness them, they just didn’t seem to fit. So, I am going to write from my heart, and pray that what I share will connect with someone out there.
Sometimes on a homeschool page like this one, we present information, and it seems like we are some sort of experts on the homeschooling process. Just forget about that portrayal. I can assure you that when we share anything, it is because we have tried many ideas and finally found one that has worked, or that we hope will work out. We might not share the umpteen flops, failures, and moments of sheer desperation that led us to our “instant successes.”
This school year I prayed for opportunities for our boys to learn practical skills. I meant that prayer. But, I had no idea how that would play out. Even that is an understatement. My husband and I made plans for apprenticeship opportunities, in controlled settings, at predictable times, in mind for learning skills. I would drop off our eldest for a couple of hours with a mechanic, and go pick him up, or something like that. The details hadn’t materialized, but we had plans. Beware of plans. Of course, we have to make plans, but just be careful about holding too tightly to them.
You see, we had other plans too, plans which involved property, dabbling in homesteading, and clearing land. We had plans to ease into a “build-as-you-can” project, and slowly work our way into our off-grid Home-Sweet-Home. Through some unanticipated life turns, we suddenly realized that we would need to crank up the schedule of land preparation, and that “easing into it” would change to “get it in gear!”
The high-gear stage began when we needed to rent a piece of heavy machinery to help with the clearing. When you’re paying for a big machine, everything begins to revolve around efficiency so that you don’t waste rental hours. That’s sort of when homeschool began also to revolve around whatever we needed to do to “get ‘er done!” Early hours, late nights, and a picnic every day became the norm, since the property is about an hour away from our home. We all got a sudden immersion into the ins and outs of putting in septic lines, rock characteristics, soil types, and so on.
This process has been exciting in many ways. After all, we prayed that God would lead us to a piece of country property, and He did. When we chose this property, we knew full well that to make it work, we would have to put in lots of work, and even that seemed like part of the romantic charm of carving out our own homestead, like in the olden days. We were all on board, eager, and gung-ho! Every day was a new challenge, but we knew that we would figure it out. Our boys suddenly had the chance to jump in and learn some practical skills as the oldest two ran the transit for the leveling of the septic lines, and everyone got to help install the field line components. Progress was clicking along pretty well, considering all of the rock we encountered. We got our garden and greenhouse site prepared, and holes dug for our orchard — 3x3x3 so we can plant them the Ellen White Method, that the angel showed her in a dream. I remember standing up at the top of our property in the future garden, and thrilling as I looked over the wooded hills, just feeling blessed. It was my mountaintop time, when faith was easy.
Life is not all mountaintops, though, and as my husband had to go out of town for work, the full responsibility suddenly rested on me. This was fine, with what we initially had planned to accomplish. Then, additional projects popped up that needed immediate decisions. Every day another challenge came that eventually left my head spinning, as I tried to make important decisions on the fly, figure out yet another DIY project, purchase supplies, and just keep life running. Let me say that I totally get the fast food concept now. I’m afraid Taco Bell became a more regular part of our lives, and home-cooked meals have become more a rarity than our regular fare.
This season has honestly been the most stressful season of homeschool that we have gone through, and are currently involved in. When I have more projects on my plate than I know how to deal with, I short circuit, and then we certainly experience the trickle-down effect through the ranks. As challenge after challenge has hit, I have seen myself at close to my worst. I have analyzed what we should and could be doing differently, but just keep coming back to the fact that life right now is not our ideal situation, but we have to keep plugging away. I have cried many times, overwhelmed with what new thing we must handle. And, I am finding that it is not always the biggest challenges that I crumble under, but the little annoyances — the loud noises when my mind screams for some silence, and the mental load of trying to understand multiple projects simultaneously.
In the last months, we have stacked up the projects, leaving little time for quiet reflection. As the mental pressures pile up, I found myself unable to process much more mentally, so I have been so grateful that my boys know how to cook. When I hear, “Mom, what’s for breakfast?” before I even have a chance to get the cobwebs out of my head, I am thankful when they just make it happen so that I don’t have to make another decision. My mind has been stuffed with septic line assembly, dump truck rental, fruit tree placement, hole size, distance and diameter, house site clearing, basement excavation, footer dimensions, root cellar placement and size, finances, sick child, phone that quit making calls, floor plans, mud and rain, driveway excavation, packing, and employee coordination. Then our sink and countertop failed us, and we found out just how poor we are at “figuring out” DIY. Did I mention school? Allll this without Dad! Literally, when our month of focused excavation was completed, our eldest asked me what we were going to do the next day. I replied, “School.” “Only school?” he asked. “Yes.” He let out an audible sigh of relief at “only school,” and I realized that we all were just completely exhausted, physically and mentally.
The more overwhelmed I felt, the more time I noticed myself turning to Facebook. I realized it was/is an escape for me, and a natural way to “interact” while my husband and I have had decreased communication because of distance. I enjoy catching up, but I realized that my already overwhelmed mind didn’t need more material to think about. I have consciously been watching my time on FB this last week or more, and I see that it helps me. My mind can only take on so much before it reaches saturation. And then, when things are already challenging, the temptation to compare your life to the lives portrayed by others is quite high. This can compound feelings of inadequacy and frustration. But, what we need to realize is that on any journey, there are shadows and rainbows. Facebook posts tend to showcase the rainbows, and maybe it’s because we all need to cling to those moments where something actually does happen right. We as homeschoolers especially need to keep this in mind.
During this time, I have admittedly fallen behind in reading other blogs in our group. The other day, I randomly (I thought), while weary, feeling knocked down and dragged under the bus, stumbled upon this post on our blog. It’s the only blog post I have read in over a month. I don’t even know how I got through it, I was that tired, but somehow, some bells started to go off in my head. I particularly appreciated the links that were shared to Dr. Caroline Leaf’s materials. I began to listen to some of the messages, and I saw so clearly how, even though I legitimately have real challenges in our situation right now, I don’t have to drown under them. Jesus offers help, and it is with my cooperation, especially in my thought life. Wow. There is abundant material about the brain and how our thoughts form connections that contribute to our health, both mentally and physically. Truly, we are what we think. I haven’t read part two of the blog about our thoughts, but I will soon be doing so.
I feel like that reminder about choosing my thoughts has helped me. It has made me more aware of what I say since it reacts on me and others, like my children, reinforcing the positive or negative. And, I have seen how much the Lord really wants to help me to have a victory, not a defeat.
I will say that old habits are those that surface without our effort, and so much so in this area of what we say. I am literally praying often that God will give me a kind word, because when I feel overwhelmed, my natural reaction is negativity. Barbara O’Neill, a favorite speaker of mine, says that we must “fake it ’til we make it,” and that this indeed is a spiritual principle. This is a very helpful talk about the laws that govern our minds. I highly recommend it, and I need to go back and re-listen to it too!
Don’t misunderstand the Fake It ‘Til You Make It outlook. This does not mean to pretend your worries away, expecting that they will just vanish. Instead, it means choosing what we tell ourselves about what we are going through, and choosing to turn to beneficial sources like Bible promises to get our mental dialogue pointed in a positive direction. The Bible says, “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in Thee,” Isaiah 26:3. This strongly suggests a partnership between us and the Lord. He promises us peace, but first we choose to train our minds on Him, His power, His ability, His goodness towards us. He is able to help us in every emergency.
Another talk that I appreciated is this talk by Maria Neblett, called The Language of Encouragement. She speaks so honestly about her struggles, and I really can relate to what she shared. But, she also shows us how to strive for victory and change the course of our homes. This talk I have listened to a couple of times, but really need to go back over it until I can truly make it my experience.
I hope that my ramblings have not been too random. God is good. He is real, and He is here for us. Satan wants to weigh us down and defeat us in any way that he can. We do have a part to play to cooperate with our Saviour, even if we have to “Fake it ’til we make it!”
Many people have their children do copy work for various reasons; I could list many. But, in my opinion, one if the best reasons to require copy verse is to engage the hands with the mind in the process of learning some worthwhile passage of writing.
Here is my personal copy work that I copied into my prayer journal tonight.
-Whosoever will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”
Self-denial means to rule the spirit when passion is seeking for the mastery; to resist the temptation to censure and to speak faultfinding words; to have patience with the child that is dull and whose conduct is grievous and trying; to stand at the post of duty when others may fail; to lift responsibilities wherever and whenever you can, not for the purpose of applause, not for policy, but for the sake of the Master, who has given you a work to be done with unwavering fidelity; when you might praise yourself, to keep silent and let other lips praise you. Self-denial is to do good to others where inclination would lead you to serve and please yourself. Although your fellow men may never appreciate your efforts or give you credit for them, yet you are to work on. – {4T 521.2
Lessons...and lessons 